I came across this quote from the internet which I find quite meaningful—“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook”. I think it is quite relevant to our day-to-day communication, especially communications between couples.
When couples first date and fall in love, the emphasis is on all the things they have in common. Often you feel like you have discovered your very own soul-mate and the blending and compatibility are marvelous. The euphoria of new love is a madness of love that lasts only a short while. However, as you start to get serious about each other, you start to get analytical. Constant analysis can kill a very good relationship.
It is better, in my opinion, to focus on how you are feeling at the moment, and stay in the moment. When you start questioning how things are going to be in future, you are sacrificing the real for the unreal. If you think about it, anything can happen in the future, many things will happen which you could not possibly predict. It is likely the things you are imagining will never happen, and things you could never imagine will happen, so there is no use in considering too far into the future.
The important things to know about is how this person makes you feel, and if your values and attitudes towards marriage match. Accept the fact that people will change over time. Also, do not expect the person to share every interest in common with you. You will have to overlook some things, like bad habits or idiosyncrasies, in order to sustain the relationship and prolong good communication with each other.
Relationships do take work and the work of a relationship is being understanding and forgiving, overlooking unimportant things and being positive and loving. It is not about picking the relationship apart or finding faults.
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5 comments:
We tend to mind too much about nitty-gritty details and habits of the people around us which make us not happy about them, so I agree with the quote that we need to overlook some things. Sometimes 'conscious' ignorance is bliss too =)
WOW =D I find this quote very meaningful too! I think most of us could not tolerate others because we are not able to ignore the little things they do that annoy us. We all need to have a big hearts. Open our minds and hearts and we will really really really be much happier.
Hi kailin,
I like your post here. However, i do hold a totally different view.
As a postmodernist, it is no doubt that many people now put their main focus on the feelings and instant gratification.
I feel that, since the development of a long term relationship is to prepare the couple for the longer journey after they bond through marriage, it should take much considerations. I disagree about sacrificing the real for the unreal if we were to sit down and seriously consider the progression of a relationship, the compatibility of family backgrounds, values and beliefs. If these are not clearly laid out and thought through, we may be just rushing to end a beautiful relationship which could be developed over a period of understanding, accommodating and accepting.
totally agree =) no one is perfect. The amt of satisfaction you gain from anything depends primarily on your perspective.
I agree with you that we shall live it, and don't analyse it in a marriage. But what if it's the people around you eg. your parents, relatives, friends who are constantly doing the analysis for you, would you still stay as calm as before?
Perhaps not, since it's human nature to be affected by the comments around us.
In the end, we are going to be the ones to suffer in the relationship
as we start to doubt and regret our choices.
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