Effective group communication is important especially in a large family. I will use my maternal family members to illustrate how group communication, or lack of it, can affect each member of this big family.
In January, my grandmother, who has now passed on already, was admitted to the Singapore General Hospital (SGH) for cancer relapse. As she was in the terminal stage of stomach cancer, she could not eat. Since then, her condition worsened. In April, my mother and her elder brothers suggested bringing grandma to a nursing home. They thought it was a good idea since there would be nurses to take good care of grandma. They also decided that the medical fees at the nursing home (which is no small sum) should be shared equally among the siblings. My mother and her elder brothers assume that each of them will pass the message to other siblings, and they assume that other siblings knew about this decision.
Finally, my grandma was brought to a nursing home in Ang Mo Kio. As it turned out, on that day, several siblings and other relatives thought grandma was still in SGH and went to visit her there, only to find out later that grandma had already moved to a nursing home. They later find out it was my mother’s and her elder brothers’ decision to do so. These siblings were quite unhappy about it, saying that their advice had not been sought and they were not even told by anyone that grandma was sent to the nursing home. Some relatives who live around Tiong Bahru area, used to visit grandma everyday at the SGH, said that it would be so inconvenient for them to visit grandma at Ang Mo Kio everyday. Others made it a big fuss out of it and blamed the elder siblings for deciding and acting on their own. So, unhappiness continued to fester in the family.
From the above example, I learn that miscommunication can have serious and long-lasting repercussions. Miscommunication between two people is bad enough; miscommunication within a group is much worse—the effects are more damaging. Ever since the above incident happened, the younger siblings had not been on good terms with the older siblings.
In making complex decisions, especially where sensitive issues like money are involved, it is even more important that everyone’s opinion is being sought. Even if it is just one person whose opinion is not being sought, it could spell trouble. This person may think he does not belong to the group. He may hide his unhappiness and move on, but somewhere along the way, he may sound his unhappiness and that will affect the harmony of the group.
In group communication, we never assume that the other people know what we are thinking or we assume what others are thinking. We should always ask questions to check understanding. Whereas you may blame people for not telling you what is happening, people may blame you for not asking. For effective group communication, everyone in the group should also help to keep one another in the know of any changes.
Everyone has their own way of doing things, it is therefore necessary to seek everyone’s opinion before a group comes to an agreement. Sometimes, compromises and sacrifices must be made by some group members, but if they have agreed upon the decision right from the start, they would know what they are expecting. They are thus not likely to hold any grudges since they have a stake in the decision-making process.
In January, my grandmother, who has now passed on already, was admitted to the Singapore General Hospital (SGH) for cancer relapse. As she was in the terminal stage of stomach cancer, she could not eat. Since then, her condition worsened. In April, my mother and her elder brothers suggested bringing grandma to a nursing home. They thought it was a good idea since there would be nurses to take good care of grandma. They also decided that the medical fees at the nursing home (which is no small sum) should be shared equally among the siblings. My mother and her elder brothers assume that each of them will pass the message to other siblings, and they assume that other siblings knew about this decision.
Finally, my grandma was brought to a nursing home in Ang Mo Kio. As it turned out, on that day, several siblings and other relatives thought grandma was still in SGH and went to visit her there, only to find out later that grandma had already moved to a nursing home. They later find out it was my mother’s and her elder brothers’ decision to do so. These siblings were quite unhappy about it, saying that their advice had not been sought and they were not even told by anyone that grandma was sent to the nursing home. Some relatives who live around Tiong Bahru area, used to visit grandma everyday at the SGH, said that it would be so inconvenient for them to visit grandma at Ang Mo Kio everyday. Others made it a big fuss out of it and blamed the elder siblings for deciding and acting on their own. So, unhappiness continued to fester in the family.
From the above example, I learn that miscommunication can have serious and long-lasting repercussions. Miscommunication between two people is bad enough; miscommunication within a group is much worse—the effects are more damaging. Ever since the above incident happened, the younger siblings had not been on good terms with the older siblings.
In making complex decisions, especially where sensitive issues like money are involved, it is even more important that everyone’s opinion is being sought. Even if it is just one person whose opinion is not being sought, it could spell trouble. This person may think he does not belong to the group. He may hide his unhappiness and move on, but somewhere along the way, he may sound his unhappiness and that will affect the harmony of the group.
In group communication, we never assume that the other people know what we are thinking or we assume what others are thinking. We should always ask questions to check understanding. Whereas you may blame people for not telling you what is happening, people may blame you for not asking. For effective group communication, everyone in the group should also help to keep one another in the know of any changes.
Everyone has their own way of doing things, it is therefore necessary to seek everyone’s opinion before a group comes to an agreement. Sometimes, compromises and sacrifices must be made by some group members, but if they have agreed upon the decision right from the start, they would know what they are expecting. They are thus not likely to hold any grudges since they have a stake in the decision-making process.
In a group, we always like to appoint a leader; however we should not rely too much on our leader to make decisions. It would be unfair for the leader if it turns out that he has made a wrong decision and he has to bear the burden all by himself. Everyone in the group should respect one another’s opinion. Feeling respected, each and everyone in the group will be more willing to contribute in that particular group. What else do you think we can do to avoid pitfalls in group communication?
5 comments:
hey! I think everyone has to initiate at times to make it a point for the group to voice out any comments or unhappiness. If verbal comments are too harsh or insensitive, written ones under anonymous names would be useful.Sometimes, even as we want to voice out our opinions, situations dont allow, or even after our opinions have been raised, nothing is changed, or nobody cares, so why bother? some may also think that burying these happiness may be much better and wiser than voicing them out in fear of troubles or further tension. But only with honesty and confrontations would there be effective communications and relationships. Anyone can initiate.
Yo KL! i think what you mention is a case of big miscommunication. Communication is very important in making decisions. But,Im quite puzzled why the siblings were so worked up. Shouldn't they consider more of grandma rather than themselves?
Halo!wow your blog is insighful, it makes me wonder about my family issues as well. Everyone in the family has to do their part in order for a happy family to come into being. One should treasure every family member, that is what I learn over the years too =) People of our generation should treasure our large extended family even more, since after our generation, family are getting smaller and smaller, so festivals will be less 'noisy' and joyous.
I agree totally with you. However, it's easier said than done because everyone will claim to have a stake in that big group. Hence, certain people will have to compromise.
A rule of thumb which I personally find useful in decision-making is none other than "democracy" where the majority rules!
Hmmm...I experience this all the time...in poly...whenever I had group project work...the discussion can always drag on and on...there are also groups where conclusions can be finalised within a matter of seconds...within my basketball team the problem of communication is even bigger...some players are constantly overlooked in terms of information...otherwise it is a case of assuming they know, like what you said...I think for effective communication...conscious effort to relay information to EVERYONE is very important...maybe instead of a leader...a communication rep would be more appropriate...
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